22:47 3/12/21

I have been trying to move on from the incident that led to me abandoning the Pi_ROL moniker... Truth is, my life has been such a mess that I completely forgot that I was officially diagnosed with PTSD at age 16. I forgot that my anxiety has a name and what DJ Cantisani did to me has sent me on a path of no return; if I was scared of people before, now it's gotten to the point that I am completely isolated. I don't know who to talk to thanks to my condition fucking with me years ago, I have dropped my face and nobody is willing to see me at their level. Living with my partner has been of some help, but he has his own affairs within his career. I am ocassionally asked to help out, but there is no drive from my part to get involved socially. DJ Cantisani fucking ruined my life.

05:36 2/23/2021

What Arcane Kids did for me...

TRIGGER WARNING

Back in 2013 I was a 17 year old who had only been diagnosed with PTSD for less than a year, I dropped out of school because it was clear that I was never going to have success given how hard I was abused socially to the point that I failed twice. My mother hated me and she did everything she could to make me feel miserable by twisting everything I would ever tell her because to this woman I am nothing but a dissapointment for refusing to live the life she wants me to live... So as the days went by having to live with that no colon having bitch, I was consumed by severe episodes of Maladaptive Daydreaming and taken advantage of by a pedophile going by the name of Hauntershadow on the Youtube platform (Fuck you, Peter xD you fucking pedophile) because I was a child who had no friends ever since third grade :). After having taken a short course to get my GED, my mother decided it was a good idea to move again to the gross motherfucking city of Reading, PA.

When we were finally rid of the turmoil caused by the roommate we were dwelling with and we were finally on our own (me and the fat wench), she demanded that I pick up some course or something to be useful and not be around the apartment hogging up electricity and water or she would kick me out... (remember, I am 17 AND EVERYONE HATES ME ALL THANKS TO HER!) You see, because I was living with someone who never let me have a say over what I wanted to do and because I had no group of peers I could relate to, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. One thing I was good at is just drawing... (I made this shit with a mouse! You read right!) Because of this she had me sign up for an associates in Graphic Design (I had no fucking idea that this subject was so specific anyway). During my time in the course I obviously learn that I feel miserable because at the end of the day, this profession isn't meant for me. During the time that I would fool around on my phone I would watch a lof of Edutainment content, because despite having failed school... I still care about science, ethics and the enrichment of the mind in general with all the good and awful information people with degrees discover all the time. One such Edutainment channel group on Youtube that I used to watch CONSTANTLY was VSauce.

During some unspecified episode on either VSauce 2 or 3, a short segment advertised a recently made game with very positive reviews and had won an award for Best Student Project called Zineth. Because skating is maybe my one and only favourite sport (that I couldn't participate in because of my manipuative mother) I picked it up quickly and went to town with the game. I didn't think much of it for anything other than just having fun, I was glued to the game trying to figure out a way to get to the fucking moon. I wasn't having MD episodes during the entire week where I was glued to the game when I wasn't in school or being shamed into doing something by my mother... It was so much fun that... Because I wasn't daydreaming in a chronic manner... I began to dream.

You see, these weren't just any silly dreams where things that happen are metaphors where like "water means danger" and shit like that... No... These are dreams where I am finally able to hear what my mother thinks of me, where... I see the place I am supposed to be... Where I met my partner of now 8 years that we have been dating. AND THIS WAS JUST ZINETH! About a year later when I was tormented by the fact that I was an useless young adult without a job, I was pressed to go back and live with my horrible mother again so I could get at least some job experience to put on my resumè. During those days I was even more depressed and triggered because not only was I back with the person I hated the most because the economy was crap, I HAD TO LEAVE BEHIND THE ONE AND ONLY PERSON WHO CARED ABOUT ME, in fact he cared so much that he waited for me T_T while everyone dismissed the possibility that anyone would do such a thing. The combination of all these feelings and being exposed to Perfect Stride opened me further as my spine turned into what I can safely call an "eye" that can sense people for half a kilometer while awake. The effect in my sleep allowed me to explore my inner universe further... but it occasionally led me to see things I didn't want to.

The first subject that I would see die in my dreams (only to die not even two weeks later) was Daniel Kyre... I was an avid consumer of Markiplier's content at the time, but I had never EVER seen any of his collab content with anyone. I had no idea who the guy was... I simply saw his shadow fall from the sky and tangle itself in invisible strings while Mark watched (I have shared the dream many times online but it's usually too oFfEnSiVe and attention seeking, I might have to make a page only for it here). I had told my partner about the dream on messages and we were both shook by the fact that it even happened... For many months I was aprehensive of where I stumbled when I dreamed to avoid this from happening again. So for months I was on a journey of self exploration where my dreams began to become much more subtle when violence or suffering would happen.

I could keep on with the list of corpses and natural disasters which my dreams helped me see before they happened, but I should mention the positives of what all the games made by Arcane Kids and adjacent media have done for me... I have successfully found out what I want to do with my life! Thanks to the constant dreaming, I was able to uncloud my mind and find that I have a strong appreciation for buildings and spaces in general. Even though I have been cursed with student loan debt of around $7,000 (thanks to my mother forcing me into something I didn't wanna fucking do), I am doing my best to be educated on this topic since COVID and my osteoarthritis are in the way of me being financially independent :/. As I mentioned before, my partner of 8 years now would've never been a possibility without those dreams I began to have as a result of playing Zineth, I would've not been able to see that I wasn't the one to blame for my mother's irresponsibilities ... I would've never remembered Plaza Del Sol without it's persistent appearances in my dreams. It kills me that there is nothing we can expect of Arcane Kids anymore considering it's been many years since anything has happened... But thanks to all the content they have made, I have my own personal gateway into a world where I see things for what they are instead of the fantasies I had to cope with.

Thank you.

20:33 1/26/2021

Last year was HELL!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. O_0 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE FUCK TO START... You know what!!! FORGET IT! Time for some action: I am going to be moving ALL the singles from Soundcloud onto Bandcamp. It is important that I do this because I plan to leave the BloomSTRAD name behind and focus on being アナナス ｐｒｅｍｅ. I will be releasing old things I still have sitting in my Mega storage such as the vocals for the last track of Celeste. I want to allow everyone everywhere to have access to everything I have done, I refuse to make the mistake everyone else has of allowing their hard work to go to waste. I do not care if this was a vapid meme, I do not care if it's trash... I care that in the future you will be able to enjoy everything I made with what I had to offer. I care that if you love something I made you will be able to access it no matter what. If by any chance anything goes missing please holler me at the guestbook. Thank you for letting me be a part of your inner universe.

17:33 1/13/2020

I have been very absent over the last few months, I know I had people expecting new things from me... I cannot continue to work on things that don't mean much outside the context of a meme, I also cannot and refuse to create content anymore if it doesn't give me any incentive.

Power_Lunch really allowed me to experience the joy of seeing my own creations as tangible objects that people willingly purchase for their enjoyment, for a good while I didn't have a problem making no money from any of my Vaporwave releases (and I still do not) because it's immoral to make money out of someone else's work being used by me-- this, however, does not change the fact that I still believe copyright laws are downright abusive right now and I stand by the goal of eventually help change the state of these laws for the better of everyone. My time making Vaporwave was filled with fun times and great stories and I cherish every single bit of that time I had, seeing the total figures on the bandcamp sales overall made me reconsider my stance on allowing Power_Lunch releasing my content. I have no personal qualms with Matt, I am actually grateful for the chance at emulated exposure he gave me despite the darker side of it all. My realization at the sales figures has given me the eye opening epiphany that I should try my talent inside a professional environment where I have absolute control over the content I am going to make-- therefore I have been taking my time gaining sense of direction in my gifts as an artist.

Me growing out of the Vaporwave scene doesn't mean I will stop experimenting with the medium in it's entirety, I have agreed to occasionally help SPORT3000 with V2k projects to further establish the niche in media this sub tag will represent, I just won't deal with Power_Lunch anymore.

19:21 25/9/2019

It's been a while, "where the fuck have YOUUUUU been babe?!"... Well, I have been trying to not crumble into pieces. I have also been trying to change my style a tad and also have begun to try drawing Seapunk clad Ganguro girls, these are both styles that didn't live long enough and compliment each other like finger and nail. I also created other social media accounts so I discreetly post my own crap and shenannigans in my own personal acct to leave the BloomSTRAD accounts just for my official stuff. Speaking of official stuff, Born to Die is gonna be available on streaming services from the 1st October and on.

00:18 16/8/2019

I know these posts keep getting heckingly depressing, there's really nowhere else I can vent myself without looking too desperate.

My entire life I have always been doing everything by myself. Every trend, song and form of art that I have found appealing is shunned by everyone else until the day I move on [where everyone out of nowhere magically likes the one thing I was made fun of for!]. It doesn't help that I didn't have a very supportive parent and even these days I an fighing the circumstances that keep throwing themselves onto me for no other reason than to make my life a miserable hell. My biggest desire is to endulge in something and have people physically available for me to share the experience with. I have friends that really appreciate me as a person but they will not go to that extra mile of sharing that I am looking for. Thanks to the internet I get to see more people like myself but as unlike myself have been able to form small communities of their own and right now there's nothing more I am longing for than this.

I need more people so we can create a Cheerleader Effect of our own!

21:36 13/8/2019

Yesterday was a sad day for me, at work we had to supervise a decomission of many old but still working computers as well as other equipment that was still so new they had the wrappers on. There were plenty chances for me to just grab a computer and stick it in the car but upon a quick glance I saw there was a roach just casually hanging outside one of the units as it was being moved out in a cart. Free tech is appreciated but free roaches are not! I did take a few good cables with little to no wear... I don know... I don't feel well seeing technology being thrown away if it still works regardless of how old it is.

22:06 11/8/2019

I could've been anywhere else by now... When I was much younger I wanted to see other places and experience things other than the daily torture of life, if I had actually had the chance to leave and explore the world at that age I would've never seen the darker side of the things everyone fanatizes over... I would've never realized that I was worth something.

When you welcome a pet into your home you actually do not own them, by bringing your furry/scaley/feathery friends into your home you're assuming full responsibility over their wellbeing in terms of food, health and company. There is literally nothing stopping the animals people choose to keep from escaping and forming lives of their own because in the end they are individuals capable of doing everything we are providing for them on their own. The same could be said with people. We have a sickly relationship between adults and children that will probably not escape us for a long time, we think we are entitled to the lives of the offspring we carry and because of this we have no problem to dictate how they should live. What people don't realize is that just as if your pet were to simply run off on their own, your children should choose what is in their best interest because they are individuals, not objects which to call property over. When you have children in your home they do not belong to you, you have simply signed a contract where you state full responsibility over their wellbeing just as if you were taking care of an animal.

"But children are human, they are not animals" you might say... But what is the difference, really? We aren't separate entities to other creatures in this world because we are all deep in the same shit as each other. Animals are capable of surviving just like us and feel just like we do. In the process of thinking that you "own" a human being as if they were a phone or a couch you are undermining their process of thought and their necessities as a trivial thing to ignore when in reality... you're causing neglect and suffering onto this person you chose to take care of.

Throughout the part of my life when I started to develop as my own person with my own mind and opinions I was constantly undermined and told that I was someone's property, as if I had no right or will to demand space to grow. I was reminded everyday that the desire to exist as an individual meant that anything I did that I wasn't told was an offence, that my existence was some sort of debt. Life felt as if I had no choice but to follow all direction that alienated me from the real me even though deep inside I knew I wanted to scream and run away where I would not be bothered. Thanks to the pent up insecurity I found myself taking part in things that were against what I thought of the world, I still believed I had to stand by a rigid rule that destroyed me inside. It was only during the last days when I was under her that her attitude made me realize I was not the problem with the world and even though I still am waiting for her to snap out of that victim mentality, I wish her a good life.

22:23 9/8/2019

I am a responsible person, getting into trouble with others is something I do my best to avoid in any given circumstances... The last straw has been drawn for me this week without me even having to act.

On Sunday I received a call from one of my supervisors who told me that 6 hour shifts were terminated in contract by the client we are working for, this means that I would have to go on for a few good days without a salary. Thanks to this I decided to plan a good hangout day with my s/o since we were unable to go out last weekend thanks to my paycheck having my name written wrong. Thursday comes over and I receive a new call form my supervisor telling me that not only was my shift cut down to 5 hours from 6 that I was previously working per the citations of the new contract, he told me I was supposed to start the next day (today) when the plans I was working on were supposed to take place.

I was not gonna have it, I was not gonna have another chance at a good time I rarely get to have with the one person that doesn't get tired of seeing my face or hearing my goddamned eurobeat in the car. I never get visited by the supervisor and the principal has no clue when I am supposed to start again considering that she didn't even know that everyone else with the same 6 hour schedules had their days suspended while the new contract was being worked out. I went on with my plans anyway and nobody has called me with any sort of warning or suspension...

I am sick and tired of dedicating myself to my job to make ends meet for me and the one dependent family member I have to help out only to be screwed over no fault of my own. I deserve to have fun and live a life too.

22:29 4/8/2019

It's been 2 months since I had my car repaired and I have no idea where to drive off to in a leisurely manner. 2012 was a fatal year that took away the last remaining entertainment Puerto Rico had, these days the most abundant form of entertainment doesn't appeal to my demographic. Arcades no longer have fun, engaging games... it's all about creating the "kiddie casino" experience. You will tell me "but people aren't going out leisurely, they get everything they need from the internet"... I don't know what kind of pea brain you have to think that the USA is the entire planet, our malls are thriving and our infrastructure isn't fucking enormous that it takes hours to get anywhere. Despite the rare ghost mall you might find, life is busy outside; it's why I feel annoyed that there's barely anywhere fun these days. The Outlet at 66 is an interesting venue but as I said, the arcade itself doesn't have too many engaging games, they don't even have a single rhythm game there to play.

TL;DR I really want to go out but all we have are bars, ruins and beaches.

22:07 3/8/2019

Gentrification is a plague, where there once was variety in customs and appearances everywhere you went now thrives the same ideal. The roots of this problem are intriguing and disturbing but I can't seem to have anyone who would like to talk about it. If you really have been reading my stuff you'd know by now that I am a big fan of Harajuku fashion, it's hot as hell compared to others in our world where everyone seems to gash their wallets over plain, white t-shirts. With that in mind, I feel like there's more one could add to this conversation. [I will not drag it for too long though]

After years of wanting to have my own cool style I finally have enough money for it, despite the fact that the Harajuku scene as I knew it is gone [leaving many holes that cannot be filled by the remaining new kids] I keep on trying my best to be myself in this very disperse community. The sentiment overall is very different , from what I have noticed everyone that is part of the scene and does not live in Japan they cling onto the motto that "It's a way of life", "it's the way I find meaning", "it's how I feel most comfortable", etc.; in part the explanatory sentiment has to do with the fact that too many people do not mind their business. It's annoying to explain that your current get-up "is not a costume", that "I am not doing it to ask for attention"... no, it's how I decided to walk out of my house and you should mind your business, you're dressed like a damned potato sack with your tiddies out walking about with bed hair and that makes your opinion over my well thought out get-up invalid! We shouldn't have to explain who we are to everyone we meet on the road simply because we don't accept the gentrification going on around us, just leave us be.

00:02 29/7/2019

New track out now!

21:40 27/7/2019

I completely forgot I made this crap as a brainstorm for Akolatron.

19:55 27/7/2019

I have created dedicated page to ARCANE KIDS, the links to the game downloads are attached to the gifs as a form of visual reference of what the games are about. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

17:29 26/7/2019

Today was just another uneventful day at work after the lunchroom got outfitted with new machinery and the grounds inspectors looked at the piles of work to be done to get the building in proper conditons, having nothing interesting to watch on Youtube I decided to look back at some old travel videos by WaoRyu and looked back at the old Harajuku video where the host was dressed by some girl that picked clothes for him. It was awful. The girl at the time was a fashion student but she showed up to the location looking nothing in part of the fashion being used at the time in the region. The girl's outfit was a bit too rigid and American so that was an immediate red flag.

When they visited ACDC RAG I could see a bunch of bombin´ styles that could've suited the host very well with a good coorde, yet the girl gave the host the worst and most awkward looking shirt and a pair of clown pants that didn't match the shirt AT ALL. I know it looks like I am just rambling but this video is extremely misleading as to the kind of fashion sold in the street and didn't represent a good image. Imagine being a kid just discovering your sense of style and watching this video gives you a crappy understanding of what Harajuku cultures look like, you'd be walking outside looking like a stupid dunce with no direction and the only one to blame would be that girl in the video with poor sense of style. I do hope that she has grown more into a better understanding of what makes Harajuku fashions special and that she doesn't dress like she came out of Hot Topic while calling herself an expert in Harajuku fashion anymore.

23:49 25/7/2019

As of March 21st, 2019 I have made a few game titles by Arcane Kids available via Archive.org. It has been 7 years since the release of Zineth, 6 years since the release of the Gamespace version of Perfect Stride, 4 years since the release of Crap! No One Loves Me and 3 years since the release of their final playlist on SoundCloud; There are no signs of life from the Arcane Kids development team. I decided to upload the games to the archive website when I noticed that the Gamejolt listing for Zineth had vanished out of nowhere.

I couldn't bear to keep struggling with keeping these games all to myself for nobody to enjoy. Whenever I was lost and in need of guidance the junk software was able to help me see where I was going, as stupid as it sounds. I would not be where I am standing today without the existence of these titles and I don't plan to let this experience die with the team's silence. Enough with the artificial scarcity and mystery, this is an experience everyone should enjoy.

[Archive.org keyword: Arcane Kids]