It's been a while, "where the fuck have YOUUUUU been babe?!"... Well, I have been trying to not crumble into pieces. I have also been trying to change my style a tad and also have begun to try drawing Seapunk clad Ganguro girls, these are both styles that didn't live long enough and compliment each other like finger and nail. I also created other social media accounts so I discreetly post my own crap and shenannigans in my own personal acct to leave the BloomSTRAD accounts just for my official stuff. Speaking of official stuff, Born to Die is gonna be available on streaming services from the 1st October and on.
Remember a few of these posts ago I mentioned how I was pushed away by the undesireable mainstream culture of Puerto Rico? Yesterday I was given the news that the majority of the kids I attended Sunday school with have all died due to being shot, that's both sad and disappointing. What pissed me off is that the lady said that "god is protecting you"... Bitch that's fucking sadistic. I am here because I never submitted to peer pressure and did what pleased my ass instead of doing what everyone else was doing. It's not okay to say that god was protecting me when the lives of all those people were also worthy of existing, vieja chocha >:( . It was because I was pushed away that I became my own person, I made my own decisions and that is why I stand up every day (albeit in pain). Nothing I have accomplished is because of some sky daddy, it's because I fought for it, the world needs less minds like that.
I know these posts keep getting heckingly depressing, there's really nowhere else I can vent myself without looking too desperate.
My entire life I have always been doing everything by myself. Every trend, song and form of art that I have found appealing is shunned by everyone else until the day I move on [where everyone out of nowhere magically likes the one thing I was made fun of for!]. It doesn't help that I didn't have a very supportive parent and even these days I an fighing the circumstances that keep throwing themselves onto me for no other reason than to make my life a miserable hell. My biggest desire is to endulge in something and have people physically available for me to share the experience with. I have friends that really appreciate me as a person but they will not go to that extra mile of sharing that I am looking for. Thanks to the internet I get to see more people like myself but as unlike myself have been able to form small communities of their own and right now there's nothing more I am longing for than this.
I need more people so we can create a Cheerleader Effect of our own!
Yesterday was a sad day for me, at work we had to supervise a decomission of many old but still working computers as well as other equipment that was still so new they had the wrappers on. There were plenty chances for me to just grab a computer and stick it in the car but upon a quick glance I saw there was a roach just casually hanging outside one of the units as it was being moved out in a cart. Free tech is appreciated but free roaches are not! I did take a few good cables with little to no wear... I don know... I don't feel well seeing technology being thrown away if it still works regardless of how old it is.
I could've been anywhere else by now... When I was much younger I wanted to see other places and experience things other than the daily torture of life, if I had actually had the chance to leave and explore the world at that age I would've never seen the darker side of the things everyone fanatizes over... I would've never realized that I was worth something.
When you welcome a pet into your home you actually do not own them, by bringing your furry/scaley/feathery friends into your home you're assuming full responsibility over their wellbeing in terms of food, health and company. There is literally nothing stopping the animals people choose to keep from escaping and forming lives of their own because in the end they are individuals capable of doing everything we are providing for them on their own. The same could be said with people. We have a sickly relationship between adults and children that will probably not escape us for a long time, we think we are entitled to the lives of the offspring we carry and because of this we have no problem to dictate how they should live. What people don't realize is that just as if your pet were to simply run off on their own, your children should choose what is in their best interest because they are individuals, not objects which to call property over. When you have children in your home they do not belong to you, you have simply signed a contract where you state full responsibility over their wellbeing just as if you were taking care of an animal.
"But children are human, they are not animals" you might say... But what is the difference, really? We aren't separate entities to other creatures in this world because we are all deep in the same shit as each other. Animals are capable of surviving just like us and feel just like we do. In the process of thinking that you "own" a human being as if they were a phone or a couch you are undermining their process of thought and their necessities as a trivial thing to ignore when in reality... you're causing neglect and suffering onto this person you chose to take care of.
Throughout the part of my life when I started to develop as my own person with my own mind and opinions I was constantly undermined and told that I was someone's property, as if I had no right or will to demand space to grow. I was reminded everyday that the desire to exist as an individual meant that anything I did that I wasn't told was an offence, that my existence was some sort of debt. Life felt as if I had no choice but to follow all direction that alienated me from the real me even though deep inside I knew I wanted to scream and run away where I would not be bothered. Thanks to the pent up insecurity I found myself taking part in things that were against what I thought of the world, I still believed I had to stand by a rigid rule that destroyed me inside. It was only during the last days when I was under her that her attitude made me realize I was not the problem with the world and even though I still am waiting for her to snap out of that victim mentality, I wish her a good life.
I am a responsible person, getting into trouble with others is something I do my best to avoid in any given circumstances... The last straw has been drawn for me this week without me even having to act.
On Sunday I received a call from one of my supervisors who told me that 6 hour shifts were terminated in contract by the client we are working for, this means that I would have to go on for a few good days without a salary. Thanks to this I decided to plan a good hangout day with my s/o since we were unable to go out last weekend thanks to my paycheck having my name written wrong. Thursday comes over and I receive a new call form my supervisor telling me that not only was my shift cut down to 5 hours from 6 that I was previously working per the citations of the new contract, he told me I was supposed to start the next day (today) when the plans I was working on were supposed to take place.
I was not gonna have it, I was not gonna have another chance at a good time I rarely get to have with the one person that doesn't get tired of seeing my face or hearing my goddamned eurobeat in the car. I never get visited by the supervisor and the principal has no clue when I am supposed to start again considering that she didn't even know that everyone else with the same 6 hour schedules had their days suspended while the new contract was being worked out. I went on with my plans anyway and nobody has called me with any sort of warning or suspension...
I am sick and tired of dedicating myself to my job to make ends meet for me and the one dependent family member I have to help out only to be screwed over no fault of my own. I deserve to have fun and live a life too.
It's been 2 months since I had my car repaired and I have no idea where to drive off to in a leisurely manner. 2012 was a fatal year that took away the last remaining entertainment Puerto Rico had, these days the most abundant form of entertainment doesn't appeal to my demographic. Arcades no longer have fun, engaging games... it's all about creating the "kiddie casino" experience. You will tell me "but people aren't going out leisurely, they get everything they need from the internet"... I don't know what kind of pea brain you have to think that the USA is the entire planet, our malls are thriving and our infrastructure isn't fucking enormous that it takes hours to get anywhere. Despite the rare ghost mall you might find, life is busy outside; it's why I feel annoyed that there's barely anywhere fun these days. The Outlet at 66 is an interesting venue but as I said, the arcade itself doesn't have too many engaging games, they don't even have a single rhythm game there to play.
TL;DR I really want to go out but all we have are bars, ruins and beaches.
Gentrification is a plague, where there once was variety in customs and appearances everywhere you went now thrives the same ideal. The roots of this problem are intriguing and disturbing but I can't seem to have anyone who would like to talk about it. If you really have been reading my stuff you'd know by now that I am a big fan of Harajuku fashion, it's hot as hell compared to others in our world where everyone seems to gash their wallets over plain, white t-shirts. With that in mind, I feel like there's more one could add to this conversation. [I will not drag it for too long though]
After years of wanting to have my own cool style I finally have enough money for it, despite the fact that the Harajuku scene as I knew it is gone [leaving many holes that cannot be filled by the remaining new kids] I keep on trying my best to be myself in this very disperse community. The sentiment overall is very different , from what I have noticed everyone that is part of the scene and does not live in Japan they cling onto the motto that "It's a way of life", "it's the way I find meaning", "it's how I feel most comfortable", etc.; in part the explanatory sentiment has to do with the fact that too many people do not mind their business. It's annoying to explain that your current get-up "is not a costume", that "I am not doing it to ask for attention"... no, it's how I decided to walk out of my house and you should mind your business, you're dressed like a damned potato sack with your tiddies out walking about with bed hair and that makes your opinion over my well thought out get-up invalid! We shouldn't have to explain who we are to everyone we meet on the road simply because we don't accept the gentrification going on around us, just leave us be.
There's something that has been bothering me for a few years now, it's something the majority of people affected got over but people like me still haven't. There is a music genre that has had people divided since it's inception for it's explicit language [drug related and violence undertones in lyrics] which's name is Reggaetón. A huge majority likes this genre yet many like me in the minority really would wish for it to vanish. I have heard complaints from the lyrical content to the annoying, repetitive beats... but if you think about it there are many music genres that cover the themes Reggaetón is prominently known for and yet everyone simply complains about this music genre. It took me years to figure out why I felt uncomfortable everytime this music is played and it is all dwelling in a simple answer:
Reggaetón as a music genre is practically inoffensive compared to other things out there, yet the hatred and annoyance that comes from hearing this music isn't because of it's material.... it's because of the culture that surrounds it. The culture surrounding the Reggaetón movement as a whole since it's inception was birthed out of a separatist vibe that insinuates "if they aren't with us they are against us", a tribe so to speak. These people that participated in it's culture were fighting the conservative Christian's view of the world even though they still practiced leaving women as sexual objects [no difference found here], there are even theories that this music genre flourished for the same reason rap and other explicit genres thrived is USA soil. During the period of popularity of the genre crime rates rose exponentially [drug related and abuse related] which brings us to the next part [which greatly rocked the lives of people like me who "can't get over it"]: This behaviour was seen by the children of these people, the kids saw what their parents did and began to imitate them. Kids are notoriously needing of approval from the authority figures in their lives so not only did they imitate their parents behavior, they demanded that other children behave the same.
When these children were imitating the behavior of their parents they were belittling other children whose parents didn't allow them to take part in the life they had, the authoritary figures [such as their teachers and family members] approved of their behavior by not scolding them for the actions they were commiting upon other children. Because the cycle always continues, just like their parents a huge chunk of their population once they became teens suffered high rates of teen pregnancy which means most of these kids dropped school. This is a cycle that has not been broken even though the recession has made it difficult to raise children in Puerto Rico, many of these families do not use any methods of birth control even though it is highly encouraged
So here I am writing down my qualm about the matter, I have decided to do so because recently the behaviour has been spreading towards people who were shunned by the people in this culture like a case of Stockholm Syndrome. I have been insulted and called immature for not growing out of this problem, I shouldn't be forced to accept a culture of hate. After all the physical and mental abuse I had to endure in school because of these people and their culture it has been hard for me to recover, for the life of me I can't talk to people unless there is some sort of context [like if I am asked something or talking about a tv show/videogame], I was badly damaged by the shunning I had to receive because my mother simply didn't care about my appearance to others. I refuse to be a part of the problem and I will distance myself as much as I can.
New track out now!
I completely forgot I made this crap as a brainstorm for Akolatron.
19:55 27/7/2019I have created dedicated page to ARCANE KIDS, the links to the game downloads are attached to the gifs as a form of visual reference of what the games are about. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Today was just another uneventful day at work after the lunchroom got outfitted with new machinery and the grounds inspectors looked at the piles of work to be done to get the building in proper conditons, having nothing interesting to watch on Youtube I decided to look back at some old travel videos by WaoRyu and looked back at the old Harajuku video where the host was dressed by some girl that picked clothes for him. It was awful. The girl at the time was a fashion student but she showed up to the location looking nothing in part of the fashion being used at the time in the region. The girl's outfit was a bit too rigid and American so that was an immediate red flag.
When they visited ACDC RAG I could see a bunch of bombin´ styles that could've suited the host very well with a good coorde, yet the girl gave the host the worst and most awkward looking shirt and a pair of clown pants that didn't match the shirt AT ALL. I know it looks like I am just rambling but this video is extremely misleading as to the kind of fashion sold in the street and didn't represent a good image. Imagine being a kid just discovering your sense of style and watching this video gives you a crappy understanding of what Harajuku cultures look like, you'd be walking outside looking like a stupid dunce with no direction and the only one to blame would be that girl in the video with poor sense of style. I do hope that she has grown more into a better understanding of what makes Harajuku fashions special and that she doesn't dress like she came out of Hot Topic while calling herself an expert in Harajuku fashion anymore.
As of March 21st, 2019 I have made a few game titles by Arcane Kids available via Archive.org. It has been 7 years since the release of Zineth, 6 years since the release of the Gamespace version of Perfect Stride, 4 years since the release of Crap! No One Loves Me and 3 years since the release of their final playlist on SoundCloud; There are no signs of life from the Arcane Kids development team. I decided to upload the games to the archive website when I noticed that the Gamejolt listing for Zineth had vanished out of nowhere.
I couldn't bear to keep struggling with keeping these games all to myself for nobody to enjoy. Whenever I was lost and in need of guidance the junk software was able to help me see where I was going, as stupid as it sounds. I would not be where I am standing today without the existence of these titles and I don't plan to let this experience die with the team's silence. Enough with the artificial scarcity and mystery, this is an experience everyone should enjoy.
[Archive.org keyword: Arcane Kids]